The Visit
by tizy
Summary: Post Season 10. One chap. story.


I move the picture slightly to the left although I just positioned it that way less than a minute ago. I slowly run my hand along the mantel as I walk nervously past, reveling in its smoothness. I'm not really nervous, maybe a little anxious though. I'm not sure why I should feel this way. I open the sliding glass door, lean against the doorjamb and gaze over the southern California coast. I really love it here. There are so many reasons why I love being here. I left so many memories behind, but I have never regretted the decision to move here.

He's coming here today. That explains all of my anxiety. Why should I be anxious? I ask myself. Myself isn't ready to think about all of the reasons. Unfortunately, I can't seem to shut off my thoughts. The last time I saw him, I cried and I know he cried too even if he didn't let me see it. I was happy for his success and I told him so – between wiping my tears and hugging him tightly in my arms. He was off to start his new life and it included me even less than his old life had. I thought that I missed him before he left but I miss him so much more now. And here, I thought I was over missing him from my life.

I walk back to the pictures on the mantel and gaze at the collection of photos in various frames. I took some of the photographs and some of them I have no idea who the photographer was. I look at one of us together, just the two of us. Other picturesinclude friends and colleagues. I can't pick a favorite one…O.K. maybe the one from Afghanistan…no; it has to be the one taken the last day were we in D.C. Definitely. That's the one. A beautiful, warm sunny day filled with tears and smiles. Faces filled with nostalgia for the past, hope for the future, anticipation for new experiences. I sigh at the memory…I can almost hear the laughing voices as the group picture was being snapped. A special moment frozen in time.

I take a deep breath; he should be here any minute. I try to sit on the sofa and realize that I won't be able to sit still until I can look in his eyes and see him smile. I shift in my seat as if I am uncomfortable. Who knew that I would still be so concerned about his life? I mean, it's his life; when am I going to let go? I gaze out the sliding door once again without focusing on anything in particular. I haven't heard from him as often as I used to. His new life is taking a lot of his time. Before, even when we didn't see each other, we would still talk on the phone or send a quick email. It hasn't been the same since he left. I don't resent it or anything, it's just different.

I have always used work as my refuge from worry. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't worried about him I know that it isn't my responsibility to worry about him, someone else has that job now, but I can't seem to get past the past. He is fine, I assure myself. He sounds fine on the phone, his last email sounded fine; he told me he is happier now than he thought possible. I try not to be jealous. Of course, I want him to be happy but its still tough to handle knowing that there is no way I could do anything to make him as happy as he is now. I should have gone to work for a while this morning to get my mind off of all the memories that I have managed to dredge up in the last few hours. I don't handle long stretches of alone-time very well. There would have been other people at work to occupy my mind.

I am standing at the sliding door with my arms wrapped around my waist. I take a step onto the deck and I feel the warm breeze lift my hair as it caresses my cheek. I close my eyes and take another deep breath. I can see our last time together, hear his words as he held me tight against his broad chest, my cheek pressed to him…"I promise, I will come to California the first chance I get". That was nearly a year ago. So much has changed in that time. For him. I don't think that I have really changed but so much as changed in his life that I am not sure I can keep up. Typical.

I turn my face into the bright sunshine and breeze that accompanies it. Moments like this remind me why I love it here. I wonder if she…my musing is interrupted by the doorbell. He's here. They're here. I smooth my hands down my sundress, ensuring that I am wrinkle-free and there is no moisture on the palms of my hands. Sheesh, it's just Harm. Lighten up; I admonish myself as I make my way to the front door.

As I open the door I see his smile and my heart melts as it always does and I feel a bit weak in the knees. The sun is shining brightly in my eyes but I can't miss that smile. She is standing to his left and slightly behind him. As her body casts a shadow with the sun at her back, the sun creates a halo around her and I am taken aback by her glow. She is different from the others in his past. She is different from me. She looks at me and conveys something only I can read and I smile. She is the reason for his dazzling smile. I notice that her face is fuller than I expected. I am secretly pleased by this observation. As I look at her from to toe, I see a softness that does not imply she is overweight. Again, I am secretly pleased.

He wraps me in a bear hug and says, "I have missed you so much". I am grateful for the words and for the hug. She smiles a little tentatively and I reach out to hug her. "Welcome", I say, as I usher them inside.

As we enter the living room the sheer curtain at the sliding door ruffles in the breeze. I am not nervous anymore; I am just happy. As I turn to ask them if they would like to have a drink out on the deck, I see him move to her side and wrap his arm around her waist. She gazes up at him with such love and devotion in her eyes that I feel a lump rise in my throat. They are completely content with one another.

I have left them happily ensconced on the deck while I get drinks for us. I heave a heavy sigh. I now realize my anxiety had everything to do with him and very little to do with me. I needed to see him for myself; I needed to see that he is as happy as he has been telling me his is. As happy as I thought he was when he left for London. I didn't realize how much I needed to see him…and her.

She is beautiful, not that I thought that she wasn't, but she is so happy, so content, on the inside as well as the outside. I know I can relax now. She will take care of him. I don't think I ever realized how much I worried about that in the past few years. Another happy sigh…he will take care of her too…and Mattie…and the new little one. My thoughts troop on. Is it possible for a man to "glow" like a woman glows when she is pregnant just because his wife is pregnant? I think it is…he is glowing just like she is.

I smile as I breeze toward the deck with the tray of drinks in my hand. As I enter the deck he quickly rises to take the tray from my hands and gently sets it on the table. I pass them their cool drinks in tall slim glasses and I smile at them both with genuine happiness. As I sit in the chair next to her she turns to me and reaches her hand toward my forearm, touching me lightly.

"Thank you for having us, thank you for everything you have done", she says to me with a sincere smile that reaches her eyes.

I can't help but smile back at her, "You're welcome, Frank and I are just glad to have you with us for a little while".

I look toward Harm and the lump rises again in my throat. He is so handsome, even more so when he smiles. I know he is glad that Sarah and I developed an instant bond – a relationship we were both sorely in need of. How could I not love this woman who has been able to bring such a quick smile to my son's face? He and I have always had a good relationship but I know that Sarah has given him something that only an unconditional, deeply devoted romantic love can. In turn, although she feared that I could not accept her into our small family, she is the daughter that I never had. She embodies all of the things that I wished for my son to find in a wife. My eyes sting with unshed tears.

As I look at her, I am taken back to the last time we were all together, in Washington. She was afraid that I would be upset about the "hurry up" atmosphere surrounding the wedding. I chuckle to myself, yeah, right. After all the years, "hurry up" didn't seem to describe their relationship. I was ecstatic that they decided to have the ceremony with their family of friends with them – a new life to start a new life. And now, another new life; a miracle wished for but never expected. So many things to be thankful for, so many reasons to smile.

We are smiling inanely at each other and there is a spontaneous burst of infectious group laughter. We are happy with each other, happy to be together, happy just because we are.


End file.
